Welcome! I am Bunny Stachelschwein, youngest son of the Earl of Stachelschwein, 13th cousin to Prince Charles and G.W. Bush, and proprietor extraordinaire at your service. Please feel free to browse our display area in privacy, but I caution you:  do not enter our storage or private rooms. We gladly accept special orders, should you fail to find a particular item in our stock. Public restrooms are to the right.

meet the blavatskys

Conjoined at birth and surgically separated at two weeks old,
Pavel Alexi and Isadora Anastasia* Blavatsky are the first ever
scientifically documented case of fraternal conjoined twins. And
the miracles don't end there...
   Their amazing sojourn in the womb birthed a powerful psychic
connection. Pavel and Isadora are the über-psychics of the
mammalian world.
   Now you can share the miracle.
   Dunkelzaubern is proud to announce the opening of The
Sheepmuntsky Hee Hess Peesky Roomsky, our very own Russian
tea room (located just off the ladies' room down the hall). In this
beautiful—though minute—setting, Pavel and Isadora will serve
you tea. And when your leaves have settled, prepare yourself for
a heart palpitating performance of paranormal perception par
excellence. Pavel will read your leaves while Isadora interprets
his reading in fluid ballet. Exquisite, breathtaking and astonishingly
accurate. Once you've beheld the Blavatsky Experience, I promise
you will never visit another psychic.
   
Fees dependent upon length and intensity of session, though the
Blavatskys have been known to work for peanuts.


*   *   *glowing testimonials:

"I cannot urge you strongly enough to heed the Blavatskys'
warnings and advice. We all laughed and had another cup
of tea when they told us of our imminent destruction. Oh,
how often have we rued that careless laughter! Had we only
listened..." Wanda Beaverkin

"Say 'moose and squirrel.'" Dr. Craig, Saint Elsewhere

*Awarded first prize at the First Annual Neitzsche Cheek-Pouch
Stuffing and Kafka Ballet Symposium, the immensely gifted and
volatile Isadora was presented with a bronzed cockroach trophy,
a black t-shirt that declared "God is dead," and a pound of Brazil
nuts. Never easily impressed, Isadora felt the t-shirt lacked
subtlety and informed the panel of judges that she prefers
cashews—"Who likes Brazil nuts?"—but graciously relented
and accepted the prize.

harpy whale infestation? who ya' gonna call!

It's my greatest pleasure to introduce you, my lovely Dunkel-
zaubern patrons, to the extraordinary Dr. Larry Venkman and
his Stupendous Harpoon.
   Larry, in his inimitable fashion, promises:

"I'll pierce that bitch and send her screaming into orbit around Betelgeuse, or I'll hang up my spear!"

I personally can vouch for Dr. Venkman's marvelous, magically-
endowed equipment, and the impressive dexterity with which he
maneuvers it. Masterful!  Indeedy-do.

Satisfaction guaranteed. Free estimates.

Fees vary according to subject temperament and poundage.

warning:  Interference with Dr. Venkman while he is preparing
his shaft could cause premature launching, which may result in
impalement, injury or death.